AMERICA 51
Full Length Double Animated Feature Screenplay Comedy
by Daniel Jacobs
DIRTY is the top of top Corporate/Conglomerate C.E.O. of Sales and Distribution across the World. He's a Dirty little Rat- literally- he's a brown Rat dressed in a business suit with a straight mustache like Salvador Dali. He's never happy, and always wants things his way yesterday, while he praises his penis.
MR. SPLOOGE is the top of top Federal Banker of the world; and he's a duck. He talks like Donald Duck, has a Green head with a white stripe around his neck, wears a top hat, a monocle, and smokes cigarettes out of a typical cigarette crutch. Mr. Splooge sides with his colleagues Dirty and Face Banger to enslave America, somehow, some way.
SCENE:
INT: KELLY BEAVERBUCK'S OFFICE. DAY
Splooge and Dirty are in the Government office of 'Secretary to the President' Kelly Beaverbucks which it says on her desk plaque. Kelly is behind the desk, Splooge and Dirty sitting in front of the desk staring at her enormous boobs that are blown up under her shirt- she's a hot fox.
KELLY
(taking a moment to understand like a person waking up)
Okay... so... wait a minute Mr. Splooge, you're telling ME, that our United States Military Secretary told YOU, all of that?
MR. SPLOOGE
That's right! And then she said if we wanted an apology, that we had to stick our finger up our ass!
KELLY
(Seductively to Dirty in her relaxed voice-)
Do you support this statement, Dirty?
DIRTY
(Solid)
You're damn right I do.
KELLY
(Turned on...)
Well that just sounds like I need to pay the Military Operations Director a visit for some tension release.
DIRTY
(Irritated)
Tension release? Does that sound like a situation of sexual deprivation??? First of all- That's nothing compared to the problems I have! And second of all- doesn't all of this smell fishy to you?? Can't you smell the pier??? I DEMAND ANSWERS!!!
KELLY
(sexually groaning as she talks to them)
...well... I could pull a trick, a hand job, a BJ, that sort of thing, but I charge by the hour. Your desires come at a price. No bottom bitch is gonna do this shit for free. After all boys, the Government is a fiscal operation, and we definitely know how to get fiscal. We need as much fiscal activity as possible to pay off trillions of dollars of all our 'stupid bitch' spending.
MR. SPLOOGE
(confused, turned on, and intrigued)
What other services do you provide, I'm curious?
DIRTY
(with his tongue out)
25 minutes is 20 bucks, right?
KELLY
(feeling uncomfortable in her chair as she squirms and makes little sexual noises)
I think we have coupons... somewhere, I think they're...
(She gets up out of her chair, turns around and bends over to look through a box behind her chair, while the other two just stare at her butt.)
-hold on, let me just... I know there's gotta be something around here somewhere.
DIRTY
(wide eyed)
Do you do slumber parties?
KELLY
(Turning back around and sitting in her chair putting the papers on the desk and fixing her boobs back and forth like cleaning a bowling ball for about 15 seconds before sitting down-)
Depends on how political it is.
DIRTY
(Eager)
Hardcore political. All the way. Like Dominatrix Political.
MR. SPLOOGE
(Interjecting-)
Extremely Political- we provide a horse!
KELLY
(Thinking about it with calm sexual groans as she talks)
Hmm, I see... so this slumber party... is it part of the problem you have with the United States Military Products division's office?
DIRTY
(slightly sexually frustrated)
The solution is your involvement-what are you getting at? I don't understand.
KELLY
(Getting really sexual with her voice)
-Look, I work for the Government.
(She leans over the desk with her boobs bursting on the surface at Dirty and Mr. Splooge)
That means I work for the President of a party, not the people.
(she gets closer to them as she climbs over the desk seductively-)
And if he finds out that you're jacking him around-
(She points at them-)
-he'll jack back.
MR. SPLOOGE
(defending himself quickly)
I didn't mean to imply that I was jacking anybody off, or that I wanted to get jacked off by your Pimp. We're just trying to get a better idea of what kind of work you do- we're highly involved in political positions.
KELLY
Such as...
MR. SPLOOGE
Missionary, Doggy Style, Down Under...
DIRTY
(being optimistic)
We could at-least file a BJ form.
KELLY
(cutting him off-)
MMMaybe you can be a little more descriptive at another time. Until then I'm going to quote you the cost here... let me see... $50,000,000.00
DIRTY
(Amazed and confused)
Fifty Million for what???
KELLY
(Seductively again as she moves back towards sitting behind her desk-)
To see through the proposition of the Military Intelligence programs director whom you say called you a Scummy Douche, to arrive at a brief meeting in Congress to Explain himself, and the actions you've reported here.
MR. SPLOOGE
(Satisfied)
Great! So we'll see them in Congress!
DIRTY
(Panicking)
Wait- that comes with a BJ, right?
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